Soccer fans, known for their witty songs and quips from the stands (especially in England) have a song for almost every occasion.
Your star striker has just scored a hat trick and you wish to declare your love for him/her? There’s a song for that. The referee has made a string of terrible calls against your team? There’s an expletive-laden song for that. Your team not scored in what feels like a month of Sundays? There’s definitely a song for that.
But what do fans, who are full of voice (and perhaps a jar or two of Madri) chant when the opposition goalkeeper kicks the ball or takes a goal kick? In short, they chant variations of ‘Dodgy Keeper!’, ‘You fat b*****d!’ and ‘waheyy!’. Read below to find out more about these chants.
*warning some of these chants contain profanity*
Why chant when the keeper kicks the ball?
Playing in front of a crowd of thousands of jeering football fans is pretty unnerving (although I’m not good enough at football to attest this from experience) and for the away team the influence of the home supporters and their role in unsettling their opposition is definitely underrated.
Ultimately, fans chant, sing or jeer to put players off their game and in the situation of the goalkeeper they know a poorly executed goal kick could result in their team regaining possession and starting an attack.
It’s safe to say keeper’s get the most flack on a football pitch. You can’t hide if you’re in goal, and there’s never the escape from continued embarrassment that outfield players have in a substitution.
An outfielder is only jeered at for mistakes or bad blood between the opposition team, but a keeper’s confidence is crucial hence chants geared towards them.
It’s obvious as to why, a nervy goalkeeper almost always results in soft goals. A nervy striker probably won’t win you a game, but he won’t necessarily lose you a game; a low confidence keeper is very likely to cost you more than a point.
‘You fat b*****d!’
Most of these goalkeeper and Goal kick based chats focus around that long portamento (rising pitch) build up, with a usually explicit exclamation following the keeper striking the ball. “You fat b*****d” has always been a favourite.
It comes from a long serving stereotype especially prevalent in British football. Whilst today, keepers are fit and in just as good a shape as outfield players, 15 years or so ago, goalkeepers, especially in the lower leagues, were often rocking more portly figures.
A prime example of tongue in cheek fan culture comes from The Netherlands, as FC Volendam fans put their own twist on the Ooooohh goal kick chant when they faced Ajax in 2009. Their twist? Simply exclaiming Pizza… Simple and my personal favourite adage to the chant.
The rhetorical question “Who ate all the pies?” has also often been directed at the man between the sticks, with the answer being obvious (probably the fans).
With Goalkeepers so much fitter now, the chant is seldom used, but can be heard when a particularly large fan is shown on screen, or in lower league games where keepers aren’t as well drilled.
‘Dodgy Keeper!’
Another form of the classic goal kick build up, this is certainly the oldest example being used as far back as the 70’s. It’s clear this is the original. The “Ahhhhh” added on to other variations can seem somewhat redundant, but upon hearing the original version it’s clear why it’s used.
The added “Ahhhhh” is simply taken from the original “Dodgy keeper” chant. in which the “er” is elongated and repeated multiple times.
‘Waheyy!’
Should a keeper make a mistake, like booting the ball out of play, you’ll no doubt hear a rowdy and joyous “Waheyy!”. It’s a chant so common it’s evolved beyond its place as a football chant.
If you’ve ever fallen over in public, worked as a waiter/waitress and dropped a glass, or fallen in a non-perilous body of water whilst in Britain, chances are you’ve heard “Waheyy!”.
Whilst it’s pretty classless to jeer at an employee doing their job, in the right situation there’s a certain charm, in not taking things so seriously. Entwined in English culture, the “Waheyy” can be heard from primary school children, The working class, Left-wing leaning, Right-wing leaning, rich, poor, privately and publicly schooled.
It’s inescapable, and has its roots in a simple yet effective football chant.
Less is more
Now there are plenty who may consider these chants obnoxious or unintelligent, lazy and unoriginal. In fact if you have read forums discussing the subject, you’ll find many football fans lambasting this chant as embarrassing. Personally I think it’s all in good fun.
However, sometimes you get chants that are just embarrassing. As hard as it may seem to make such a simple chant cringeworthy, some fans and teams have managed it, the video below a prime example of trying to fit too much into your chant and subsequently coming across as the British might say, a bit of a weapon.
Here we see fans trying to fit both a declaration of who they are in an effort to rally behind their team and calling the opposition keeper s**t. It’s the perfect advertisement that sometimes less is more.
With this example showing as much subtlety as a Hummer brand of Limousine with Arnold Schwarzenegger blaring 80’s German techno inside of it, his face plastered all over the paintwork, all the while multiple girls hang out the sunroof in shirts exclaiming “we love Arnie!”.
Variations around the world
Another, more humorous and offbeat quip as the keeper kicks it is rare, but used should the keeper have an orange kit. “You satsuma-Ahhhhhhh”. It’s not caught on but you have to appreciate its creativity.
More common however, is the rather on the nose “You’re S**t AHHHHHH” that has plagued the ears of goalkeepers for decades.
There are variants all around the world. In the United States the somehow even less subtle “You suck a**hole” has been used in the same manner.
In Deutschland its “A**hole, W****r, son of a b***h!” which again gets the point across, but lacks the hint of humour in the British variant.
And then there’s the truly ugly side of these chants, with Mexico’s version using the same cacophonic build up before a homophobic expletive is belted out, a derogatory term for a male sexworker, implying an inherent weakness or inferiority in homosexuality.
It’s devoid of any tact and comes from a place of ignorance and unnecessary hate, so far removed from the banterous British or insulting but overall harmless German and American alternatives
